The Ed Blog

I'm Ed and You're Not

2009/7/1

Sotomayor on Universal Health Care for Ankle

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@ 06:01 PM (2 days, 22 hours ago)

 

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OR MAYBE MORE LAW SCHOOL TO AVOID VIRTUALLY CONSTANT

REVERSAL OF HER "DECISIONS"

 

2009/6/28

One Man's Tips for a Happy Marriage

@ 08:54 AM (6 days, 8 hours ago)

 

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them. Some are over-sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an over-sensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife, Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed.

Shortly after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home from work and although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out twice is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door.


She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will find it difficult. Some will even find it impossible! Nobody knows better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older.

However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.

Signed,
Jim

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip showing and a
sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on his golf club.

 

2009/6/24

Rectum Stretcher

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@ 07:30 PM (9 days, 21 hours ago)



While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10miles over the speed limit) a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun waiting on the other side.    The cop pulled her over, and walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "what's your hurry?"  To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?" 
"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.  The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?  And just what does a rectum stretcher do?  "Well" she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, then slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked.
  "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...."

Traffic Ticket -  $95.00
Court Costs -    $45.00
The look on the cops face - Priceless

 

2009/6/22

Deer Hunting Made Easy

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@ 06:43 PM (11 days, 22 hours ago)

 

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Why sit in a tree stand?  They're really just big rats

 

2009/6/18

Showing Support for the Government

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@ 10:25 PM (15 days, 18 hours ago)

 

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They take care of our sexual needs

2009/6/15

Selling Your House In This Economy

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@ 07:22 PM (18 days, 21 hours ago)

 

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Lie about it

2009/6/14

All Natural

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@ 07:58 PM (19 days, 20 hours ago)

 

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It's amazing what you may run across during an innocent nature hike

 

2009/6/11

This Site is Beginning To Be "Not So Much"

@ 10:07 PM (22 days, 18 hours ago)

 

This used to be a fun place to exchange ideas until the emergence of sooner the so called "skank".  Now it is a spam ridden fun vaccum.  Thanks sooner.  NOT.

2009/6/10

Chevy Introduces Alternative Fuel Vehicle

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@ 08:15 PM (23 days, 20 hours ago)

 

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That uses no gas, electric, propane and is solely powered by fried chicken

 

2009/6/8

Nothing Like the Hot Hood of My Volvo

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@ 07:40 PM (25 days, 21 hours ago)

 

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OK, I was a little bored one afternoon

2009/6/4

Hog Trading

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@ 07:01 PM (29 days, 21 hours ago)

 

 Last Tuesday, as President Obama got off the helicopter in front of the
White House: he was carrying a baby piglet under each arm.  The squared away
Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "nice pigs, sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs these are authentic
Arkansas
Razorback Hogs. I got one for Senator Hillary Clinton and I got one for the
Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi."

The Marine again snaps to attention, salutes, and says, "Excellent trade,
sir."

 

 

2009/6/2

KFC Runs New Ads

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@ 05:05 PM (1 month, 1 day ago)

 

This explains a LOT

2009/5/26

Gun Ban Advocates

@ 07:39 PM (1 month, 8 days ago)

 

The idiots should start digging their moats NOW

 

2009/5/22

democrats Unveil New Party Logo

@ 11:00 PM (1 month, 12 days ago)

 

Finally, truth in advertising

 

2009/5/21

Coming Out of the Closet

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@ 08:09 PM (1 month, 13 days ago)

 

Life can be full of pleasant surprises

 


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