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[youtube=http://youtube.com/watch?v=_dX-D2ZFXzI]

Hey jackass...you know who you are...when you cut and paste to create a so called blog article  you should give credit to the person you copied from you jackass.  Apparently the jackass is so addicted to compulsively put ANYTHING on the jackass's alleged blog, the jackass resorts to lame plagiarism.   The REAL joke is your sorry ass jackass.

July 16, 2008

"With all this financial panicking going on, President Bush held a press conference and told everyone to take a deep breath. That's a good advice, huh? The economy is tanking and he's giving Lamaze classes. Very good. Isn't that what he told the people of New Orleans when the water was rising? 'Just take a deep breath and try to hold it for as long you can.'" --Jay Leno

"President Bush said in his press conference our nation's troubled financial system is basically sound. Really? I mean, banks have folded, mortgage lenders are going under. Basically sound? I think 'basically screwed' is probably more [accurate]." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama announced today he's gonna visit Israel. He said he's going to stop at the West Bank. To which Bush said, 'the West Bank?' Is that one going under, too?" --Jay Leno

"John McCain spoke to the NAACP today. He went by his rap name, Ol' Cranky Bastard. No, he followed Barack Obama, who spoke there two days ago. McCain had to follow Barack Obama at the NAACP. That's like Wilford Brimley trying to follow Miley Cyrus at the Teen Choice Awards." --Jay Leno

"Well, actually, the latest polls show Barack Obama and John McCain are dead even. Dead even. See, what happened was Obama moved to the right and McCain moved to the left and they became the same person." --Jay Leno

"Well, you know what's interesting, McCain has admitted he does not use email or the internet. Yeah. He says he's never really found the need to use e-mail 'cause if people want to reach him they can just get him on his CB radio." --Jay Leno

"Are you folks excited about the presidential race? The Democrats look like they're going to be nominating Barack Obama, the Democrat Barack Obama, yes. And Republicans, John McCain is going to be the nominee, probably. Listen to this, John McCain has now vowed to capture Osama bin Laden. Well, by God, I'm glad that's settled." --David Letterman

"But while you were getting high at 10:20 a.m., still-President Bush gave an impromptu press conference, to talk about the economy. But why 10:20? Well, he obviously hoped to have it wrapped up before 'The Price is Right' gets started. [In Bush voice] I like the way that little man yodels while he climbs the Price Mountain. I always say, I always say, 'Don't go up there, it's dangerous up there!' And of course, 10:20 was the exact time that Chairman of the Fed Ben Bernanke was telling Congress his take on the economy. What? Scheduling gaffe! I mean, won't the President's talk overshadow the impact of the Fed Chairman's testimony? I mean, I'm sure they're just saying pretty much the same thing, right? [on-screen: Quick jump cuts between footage of Bush and Bernanke, in which the optimistic Bush contradicts Bernanke's more dour assessments]. Wow! Wow! That was cool - it was such an interesting dynamic. One is like a 'glass half-full' kind of a guy, and the other, is an expert on the economy." --Jon Stewart

"C'mon Mr. President, things are rough! There's a fuel crisis, right? Try and put a smiley face on the fuel crisis. [on-screen: Bush saying 'It's interesting what the price of gasoline has done, it's caused people to drive less. The marketplace works.'] [In Bush voice] It's interesting what the mortgage crisis has done. It's getting more people to live outside. The marketplace works ... The President is standing on economic principle -- free market! Times are tough, talk to the invisible hand! Supply and demand. For instance, the supply of people outside this bank demanding their money [on-screen: people lined up outside IndyMac]. This of course, IndyMac Bank of Pasadena. It's failing. It's a shame ... What! Federal control of a bank? You maniacs!" --Jon Stewart

"According to a new poll -- true story -- most voters think Barack Obama has a better smile than John McCain. That's what they're saying. They say he has a better smile than John McCain. Yeah, apparently, this is because McCain takes his smile out every night and puts it in a glass of water." --Conan O'Brien

"Yesterday at the White House, President Bush gave a press conference about the economy. He said we're in, 'a time of uncertainty.' Yeah. Yeah, then Bush said, 'you know, like that moment after 'Dora the Explorer' ends, but before 'Spongebob' starts?' You're not sure, you don't know what's happening" --Conan O'Brien

"Senator John McCain of Arizona was a little bit confused twice in the last two days as he has made references to the country of Czechoslovakia. Unfortunately, Czechoslovakia has not existed for about 15 years -- it's now two countries called the Czech Republic and Slovakia. You'd think a man who was able to memorize every item on the early bird menu at Cocos could get it straight" --Jimmy Kimmel

APPARENTLY ONE OF THE PLAYERS KNEW DUGG

Hey jackass...you know who you are...when you cut and paste to create a so called blog article  you should give credit to the person you copied from you jackass.  Apparently the jackass is so addicted to compulsively put ANYTHING on the jackass's alleged blog, the jackass resorts to lame plagiarism.   The REAL joke is your sorry ass jackass.

As lame as the above is, now the jackass is cutting and pasting jokes and confusing the dates.  Or LYING about the dates.

Browse Jokes The Week's Best Jokes 2008 Campaign Jokes George Bush Jokes	Barack Obama Jokes John McCain Jokes Hillary Clinton Jokes	Gay Marriage Jokes Jenna Bush Jokes More Jokes...

Browse Recent Jokes

Compiled by Daniel Kurtzman

July 17, 2008

"The economy here in the United States is in very bad shape, but President Bush isn't sweating it. Partly because he believes the bad news is being exaggerated and partly because he has the intellect of a Golden Retriever." --Jimmy Kimmel

"According to the latest Reuters-Zogby poll, 10% of Americans are giving President Bush's economic policy the thumbs up. The other 90% [are] using a different finger." --Jay Leno

"You know, sometimes when President Bush speaks, he does not use the best choice of words. You know? Like, today, he said the financial institutions are basically sound, and you can take that to the bank. -Jay Leno Is that the answer? Let me tell you something, okay? The last president allegedly had a magic wand. You saw how much trouble he got into. So don't even go there." --Jay Leno

"Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke testified before Congress yesterday. I don't want to say the financial situation doesn't look good, but he testified via satellite from the Cayman Islands." --Jay Leno

"And more financial confusion today. Did you hear about this? Unbelievable. Apparently, the government tried to bail out Tyra Banks. Yeah, so I don't know. They get confused." -Jay Leno

"See, here's the part I don't understand. The feds say federal institutions are in trouble for giving money to those already in debt. That's the problem. They gave money to those already in debt. So, why are we paying taxes? Who's more in debt than the government? What, are they $9 trillion in debt? We're giving them more money? We're enablers. We need to stop this." --Jay Leno

"Oil prices have dropped again, making it the third day in a row. Apparently, somebody forgot to tell the guy who owns the gas station near my house." -=Jay Leno

"Analysts say they're not sure why oil prices are falling. But, today, Dick Cheney vowed to get to the bottom of this! Heads will roll!" --Jay Leno

"Yesterday down in the White House lawn, President Bush and all the boys about the together and had a t-ball game. Anybody here ever play t-ball? Let me tell you, one inning of t-ball is the most exciting three hours in sports. And the t-ball, they had a great time. Everybody was going well until Vice President Cheney waterboarded the umpire." -=David Letterman

"They are playing t-ball on the lawn of the White House. George Bush and the Vice President and Condoleezza, all the folks down there playing t-ball. Beautiful summer day playing t-ball. Let's see, we've got bank failures all over the United States. Record oil prices. A war with no end in sight. Well sure, let's play some t-ball. Let's go" --David Letterman

"Of course, presidential race is on everyone's mind. Barack Obama works hard the wants to stay in shape. Presidential nominee Barack Obama has been going to the gym. He's also been playing hours of basketball. Yeah. Meanwhile, John McCain has joined a group of mall walkers." --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama is planning a trip to visit Iraq and several other middle east countries. Yeah. Obama says he is excited about the trip, mainly because he's looking forward to meeting other people named Barack Obama." --Conan O'Brien

"Ralph Nader in the news this week. Ralph Nader announced that he is certified to be on the presidential ballot in 12 states. However, doctors say that Nader is certifiable in all 50 states." --Conan O'Brien

NUDES FLASH: IN-BUFF STUFF IS HUGE!

By ADAM NICHOLS

OM MY GOD! Practicing yoga nude, like this sexy flexy feels totally natural for the city's attire-optional crowd - as does lounging around naked in restaurants for private meals and even at no-clothes comedy clubs.

If it was my restaurant, and a big 'ol beast of a fat woman showed up, I'd give her a moo-moo to put on. I would encourage her with a free dessert if she fought the moo-moo. I would hand her a menu with the prices doubled. I'd put her in the...
posted by Azul Del Fuego

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Last updated: 9:17 am
July 21, 2008
Posted: 4:42 am
July 21, 2008

Welcome to Nude York City.

Some folks are stripping down to escape the scorching summer temperatures - but others aren't waiting 'til they hit the area's clothing-optional beaches.

The au naturel look is catching on at city restaurants, a Midtown yoga club and even a stand-up comedy joint.

"We're just more comfortable nude," said John Ordover, who rents city eateries for dinner parties with a strict dress code - no clothes allowed.

Vote: Would you do Yoga in the buff?

"We're not out to shock or put on a public spectacle. We want only to do things that other people do in the way that we are most comfortable doing them. That, for us, is without clothes," he said.

About 50 diners - whose motto is "no hot soup" - regularly turn up for Ordover's monthly meals held at venues including the Mercantile Grill on Pearl Street and Pete's Downtown in Brooklyn.

They're served by regular restaurant staff - forced by city laws to keep their clothes on.

"We've never had a restaurant say no to us, and the waiters think nothing of it," said Ordover, 46, who works as a Web marketer when he has his clothes on.

"If you work in a restaurant in New York City, the chances are you've seen a lot more shocking things than a room full of naked diners," he added.

At a Midtown studio called the Phoenix Temple, twice-weekly yoga classes also are really encouraging participants to expose their inner selves.

"I had such a transformative experience on my own when I did yoga naked rather than clothed," said Naked Yoga NYC teacher Isis Phoenix. "I wanted to share that."

The classes have about 10 devotees who have to obey two rules - leave your clothes behind, and bring your own mat.

"We are reclaiming and celebrating our bodies," said Phoenix, who starts each class with a disrobing ceremony.

"The first 10 minutes of class for anyone who is new, there's always a sense of trepidation," said Phoenix. "It dissolves very quickly."

And at a Gotham comedy club, the sniggering isn't caused just by the punch lines.

"The first time I tried comedy naked, it was the best thing ever," said Andy Ofiesh, founder of the Naked Comedy Showcase, whose stable of stark-naked funnymen and women perform once a month at the People's Improv Theater in Chelsea.

"It gives you a kind of vulnerability that puts the audience on your side straight away."

That audience could also be in the same vulnerable state. Half the auditorium is reserved for people who enjoy laughing in the nude.

"We fill the space," said Ofiesh. "Finding comedians is more difficult.

LPGA "CRACKS" DOWN ON PUTTER HIDING

DUGG AND MOS #2 WORKING ON THEIR TANS

DUGG HAS ANOTHER BLOG...WHY HASN'T HE TOLD US ABOUT IT?

South Africa celebrated the 90th birthday on Friday of Nelson Mandela, a symbol of reconciliation in a nation now torn by doubts and nostalgia for his leadership.  Mandela announced, "Jesse Jackson is a fool.  Obama is not a muslim.  John McCain is older than I am".

Newspapers published special supplements and filled their pages with tributes that poured in for a man seen as the father of modern South Africa. Radio stations played tributes throughout the day.

"He gave us freedom. If it wasn't for him we would have not been where we are. Because of you, now I can walk freely. I can go to any school that I want and find a job of my own," student Barbara Phofo, 20, told Reuters in Johannesburg.

In a symbol of how deeply he is respected across the races, Beeld newspaper, published in the Afrikaans language of the whites whose rule he devoted his life to overthrowing, ran 12 pages of tributes and stories about the former president.

It's clear the Obama campaign may ASK others to help "poor Hillary" but has no intention of using Obama money to pay Hillary.  The phrase "retire the debt" is Clinton speak for "save me from a financial nightmare my big head created for my fat ass".

"Hillary Clinton's campaign right now, this very minute, is $20 million in debt. Now, when she gets that 3 a.m. call, it's from a collection agency." --David Letterman

Did Sponge Bob rat them out?  Mexican troops seized a small submarine smuggling drugs in the Pacific Ocean on Wednesday, the military said.

A navy plane spotted the craft about 140 miles south of the tourist resort of Huatulco, setting off a three-hour chase, Rear Adm. Hector Mucharraz told Reuters.

The green-colored submarine, carrying what was believed to be cocaine, was about 32 feet long and appeared to be a makeshift or modified vessel.

 Had Paul McCartney 'employed' Kristen for 5 years, he would've paid $7.3 million for a n hour of sex every night for 5 years (a saving of $41.7 million).

Value-added benefits are: a 22 year old hot babe, no begging, no coaxing, never a headache, plays all requests, ability to put BOTH legs around you (!!!), no bitching and complaining or 'to do' lists. Best of all, she leaves when you're done, and comes back when you ask her. All at 1/7th the cost, with no legal fees.

Sometimes renting makes far more sense. 

Hey jackass...you know who you are...when you cut and paste to create a so called blog article  you should give credit to the person you copied from you jackass.  Apparently the jackass is so addicted to compulsively put ANYTHING on the jackass's alleged blog, the jackass resorts to lame plagiarism.   The REAL joke is your sorry ass jackass.

July 8, 2008

"Well, happy birthday to President Bush, he turned 62 on Sunday. 62 years old. ... He is now twice his approval rating, that's amazing." --Jay Leno

"President Bush is now in Japan for the big G-8 summit, which is going on right now. The G-8 Summit is where the world's top economies get together. The bad news -- we are no longer one of them. I wouldn't say the U.S. economy is doing bad, but you know how Bush got to Japan? Southwest." --Jay Leno

"Yeah. Actually there was one embarrassing moment for the President today at the G-8 Summit, they asked him if he supported alternative drilling, and he said he was fine with them as long as they don't get married." --Jay Leno

"And John Kerry is now criticizing John McCain. Kerry says McCain does not have the judgment to be president. I don't think that's true, I mean McCain had the good judgment not to accept Kerry's offer to be his running mate in 2004. That shows pretty good judgment right there!" --Jay Leno

"Well, the Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

"Listen to this, among the catering guidelines for the green convention, this is true, there will be no fried foods at the Democratic convention. And today, Al Gore announced he's switching his support to John McCain. He said 'That's it, you're a bunch of global warming fanatics!'" --Jay Leno

"See, that shows you the difference between the two parties, the Democrats have nothing fried, the Republicans like everything covered in oil, so you have a real choice." --Jay Leno

"Well, Bill Clinton has already promised to be there. He figures since the convention's being held in Denver, he can join the Mile High Club without ever leaving the ground." --Jay Leno

"Actually, you know what's interesting, here's some interesting political trivia for you. The last time that the Democrats had their convention in Denver was when they nominated William Jennings Bryant in 1908. And coincidentally, you know who the Republican nominee was that year? John McCain. It's amazing." --Jay Leno

"Of course, a nasty heat wave gripping most of the nation. In fact, it was so hot today John McCain offered a $300 million prize to the first person who could develop a prune Slurpee." --Jay Leno

"Cynthia Rodriguez claims she could no longer tolerate her husband's cheating, to which Hillary Clinton said 'Oh, you get used to it. It's nothing, don't worry about it.'" --Jay Leno

"Of course, the other big celebrity divorce trial going on in New York, Christy Brinkley, boy, is that getting sleazy, oh my God. Her husband, Peter Cook, admitted on the stand he trolled the Internet and masturbated in front of strangers on his webcam. ... How creepy is that, admitting to masturbating in front of strangers on the Internet? And today, Senator Larry Craig said 'That was you? Oh! I can't believe it!' They're calling these two trials the most embarrassing thing to happen in New York since the governor, and the last governor." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is campaigning very hard, going everywhere these days to get the vote out. Barack Obama's staff recently announced that Barack is planning to hold a campaign event at a NASCAR race. Yeah. The event will be called 'Meet your first black guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"McCain, of course, also out there. In Denver, a 60 year-old woman was kicked out of a John McCain rally for heckling him. Yeah, afterwards McCain said 'I'm just not popular with young women.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Speaking of politics, months ago, months ago, Hillary Clinton's campaign booked hundreds of hotel rooms for the Democratic National Convention, but now that she's out of the race, she doesn't need them anymore. Yeah. So uh just as Hillary's staff was about to cancel the hotel rooms, Bill Clinton said "I'll use 'em.'" --Conan O'Brien

Dugg would LOVE being impeached.  That's probably why he talks about it incessantly.

Instead of giving into another hissy fit and throwing your cell phone Dugg, try this instead:

Mobile phone throwing is an international sport that started in Finland in the year 2000. It is a throwing sport that is judged by distance or technique.

There are usually four categories in the sport:

* Original (also called ‘Traditional’): an over-the-shoulder throw with the farthest distance winning (best of 3)
* Freestyle: contestants get points for aesthetics and creative choreographics
* Team original: up to three competitors have one throw each with their scores added together
* Junior: for children aged 12 or younger

The phones used vary not just between events but between competitors, with any phone that weighs over 220 grams being acceptable.At some events the choice is down to personal preference from those provided by the event organisers, while others provide only one model of phone.

Well it was certainly good for Oklahoma and bad for Texas when the bitter jackass moved !!