The Wife Will Never Know
Two buddies, Sam and Bob, are getting very drunk at a bar when suddenly Bob throws up all over himself. "Oh, no. Now Carol will kill me!" Sam says, "Don't worry, pal. Just tuck a twenty in your breast pocket, tell Carol that someone threw up on you and gave you twenty dollars for the dry cleaning bill." So they stay for another couple of hours and get even drunker.
Eventually Bob rolls into home and his wife Carol starts to give him a bad time. "You reek of alcohol and you've puked all over yourself! My, you're disgusting!" Speaking very carefully so as not to slur, Bob says, "Now wain aminit, I can e'splain everything! tsh not what you think. I only had a couple drinks. But this other guy got sick on me ... he'd had one too many and he just couldn't hold his liquor. He said he was very sorry an' gave me twenty bucks for the cleaning bill!"
Carol looks in the breast pocket and says, "But this is forty bucks." Oh, yeah...I almos' forgot, he shit in my pants, too."
